Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
