He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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