I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I believe in your delicious
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
