So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
