I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
