Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
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I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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