I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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