his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
how drunk are you?
Several
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
