you guys were way drunker than both of me
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
