Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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