dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
