1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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