I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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