Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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