dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
