Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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