my soul wont recognize me after tonight
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
