look no pants
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
