Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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