when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
We left an ass print on the piano.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
