I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
