She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize