Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
