HIV tests are more positive than that guy
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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