You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
This is my gift to your gina
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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