dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
