i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
