I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
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