you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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