I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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