So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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