ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
