Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize