my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
