Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
