I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
