I love black thongs
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
