Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
He kissed a someone with a penis
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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