My girlfriend figured out who you are.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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