we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
