I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
