I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize