They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
