He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
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