I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You made out with two different species that night
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
