Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
we have officially lost it.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
