there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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