Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
