thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
