when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
