Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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