for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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