Having a random hookup so left but love u
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
