If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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