You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
