Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize