It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
