true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
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