It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
