Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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