apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
