Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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