so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize