nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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