My liver just broke up with me...
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
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