Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize