Christians are straight up FREAKS
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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