walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
