so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
