So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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