Who wears a wallet chain?!
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
