Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
