Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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