If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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