How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
