I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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