Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
