Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
