burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize