who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
