my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize