ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
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