The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
