If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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