1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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