He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
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