All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
