Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
