So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
