Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
