He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
