Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
