I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
