i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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