you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
time to smoke my breakfast
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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