it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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