he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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