k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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