It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
