Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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