from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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