Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize