Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
