Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Randomize
