He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
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