i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
