I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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