So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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