The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
