So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
