Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize