I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
May the power of my ass compel you!!
you made out with another girl for some wings
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
